I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my being single is dangerous.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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