Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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