my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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