Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
