I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
