Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
