What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This is classic penis vs brain.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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