the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
