she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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