Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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