theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
