and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
