Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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