Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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