so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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