In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
