the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
