Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
