You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
