I think my fart just growled at me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
