i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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