its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
