She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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