I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
