woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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