if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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