He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
