I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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