He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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