i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
