if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
