Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
