I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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