somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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