i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
