But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
