I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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