i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
