Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
