The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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