I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
