I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
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She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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