New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
porn star boner night. come get it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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