Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
