Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
