On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize