you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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