I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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