i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
