her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
