"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
