If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
