On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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