Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
