do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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