He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I got inside last night via doggy door
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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