Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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