saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
