Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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