omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
