i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
