At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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