Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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