I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
