watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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