someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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