I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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