I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.