I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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