True but thats because hes a fetus.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
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We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
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it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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