When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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