you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
