I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
sarcasm needs its own font
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
