We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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