Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize