dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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