The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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