I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
