Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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