He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
