So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
