fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
